To The Bully Mom Who Belittled Me

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I was going to just let it go. I tried so hard to let it go. I repeated to myself over and over that she is not worth the tears. I actually hate drama and usually do everything I can to avoid it. What happened hurt me. I still tried to let it go. Then I thought about all the other parents who have to deal with bully moms like this. Parent’s who just want to feed their children real food, but are constantly undermined by insecure people who can’t handle other people’s decisions. I decided that writing about this traumatizing experience will not only help me to heal from it, but will help other parents to know that they are not alone, and to stay strong in their convictions. I remember another dear blogger friend writing about his experience being bullied by another adult because he would not eat cake at an adult gathering. It’s sad to think that some adults really do sink this low. I have experienced this to a lesser degree on several occasions, but never to this extent. I remember being told by another mom that my son would go off to college and binge on junk food if I didn’t buy him a muffin at 2 years old (a muffin that he wasn’t even asking for or interested in). I remember being told by another parent that my children were at risk for rickets because I was not giving them cows milk.

 

 

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The situation:

 

I met this new mom who I will call “Bully Mom” whose son is friends with my son at school. Bully Mom invited me over her house for dinner. I thought that was thoughtful as I am going through some major transitions in my life, and was having a very rough day. She had gone to my recent talk on ancestral health, and knew that I followed this lifestyle with both myself and my children. After the talk Bully Mom made sure to come up and tell me that she eats grains. Which is fine. Believe it or not, I don’t judge people for eating grains! Really, I don’t. People are welcome to take what they want from my talks, my blog, my FB posts etc, and leave the rest. I appreciated that she came, and thanked her for coming. Most of my friends do not follow this lifestyle, and are still very good friends. We laugh together, and love each other. That is really what matters.

 

Back to the situation. I too my 5 year old along with me to Bully Mom’s house for dinner, and to play with her children. Before coming over we stopped to get sushi for my son who was very hungry. He loves sushi, and I thought that would take the edge off of his hunger.

 

It started with several comments from Bully Mom while Jonah was eating his sushi about how “her children eat processed foods” and “how children can handle processed foods.” I didn’t comment. I simply nodded and changed the subject. I am use to being questioned by people for my choices and I usually just change the subject. Her son was asking about the sushi and she hushed him and said to him “no, you don’t like that.”

 

Then Bully Mom gave my son 2 slices of pizza and a plate of pasta. She did not ask me first. She asked him. Of course he said yes. I did not say anything. She was making separate meals of pizza and pasta for all the kids, and a different healthy meal for the adults. Usually in these situations I let go, and allow my children to have whatever it is. They do not have food allergies. I even let loose with them at home. I am not militant in my lifestyle, I do the best I can in the context of our culture. Even though I knew it may upset his stomach, I knew he would still be okay. I understand that he will have to learn to make these decisions and how different foods affect how he feels. I can’t control everything. I understand that. I was thankful that she was cooking a nice meal for me, and that I wouldn’t have to worry about dinner.

 

After finishing his meal some other friends arrived with Doritos, and my child started eating them. Again, I didn’t feel great about it, but I let him have some. However, as it became closer to his bedtime, I didn’t want him to wake at night with a bellyache. So I told him that was enough Doritos. He was fine with it.

 

Bully Mom disagreed. She took my son by the hand and led him to her pantry. She came out with him holding a bag of cheetos. He opened it and started eating them. I felt a pit in my stomach for being undermined, but still did not speak up. I let him have a few. Then I said to him “that is enough for tonight, we can finish these later” and closed up the bag.

 

Bully Mom disagreed. She yelled (yes, she spoke loudly in front of my other girlfriends and my son) “LET HIM HAVE THOSE! It’s not like he gets them all the time!”  I replied “It is my child, and my choice. He has had enough.” I had enough too. I packed up and left. As I got in the car I felt the pit in my stomach that rose up and my eyes welled with hot tears. I sobbed. I was treated like less than a person simply because of my lifestyle. I will never let someone treat me this way again.

 

 

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The next day I found out that Bully Mom had unfriended and blocked me on facebook. Why? Well simply because she is insecure with her parenting choices, and needed someone to take it out on. I was her scapegoat. I feel for her, and after getting all of this out of my system, I will forgive her. I am letting it go.

 

However, I’m tired of pretending that it is okay to treat people this way. It’s not okay. If you disagree with someone’s lifestyle choices that much, then don’t invite them over to dinner! Do not undermine other parents by feeding their children things you know they are not comfortable with. If you are a parent trying to feed your child real food, you are not depriving neglecting, or hurting them. I’m sorry that we have to live in such an eff’d up culture that people truly believe this. Believe it or not kids can enjoy real food. You are also not alone.

 

 

 

 

Guest Post: Abby From “Yes To Yummy” Shares Her Recipes!

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It is my pleasure to introduce to you my friend Abby from the blog Yes To Yummy!

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Abby is a teen girl who was sick and tired of the processed foods all around her. At the age of 14 she took matters into her own hands and started doing her own cooking. Abby started a blog and shares some amazing recipes. Abby is inspiring. Please share her story with your own children!

“My whole life, I’ve loved food…and sometimes, a little too much. I ate relatively healthy at home, but given the opportunity, I’d go to town on sweets and snacks. My parents would often have to hide my bag of Halloween candy so I wouldn’t sneak any.

Right after my fourteenth birthday, my weight reached a tipping point. I wasn’t overweight, but I was pretty close.

I then decided to take matters into my own hands. I increased my fruit and vegetable consumption and cut out almost all wheat and processed food. When my friends would offer me a piece of chocolate or some chips, I’d say no, even though I REALLY wanted to say yes. It was hard, but after a while, it got so much easier.

Today, I am over twenty five pounds lighter and a million times more confident about how I look. I still can’t believe I did it! Over the course of my journey, I fell in love with food and healthy cooking, and now have a totally new respect for what goes into our bodies. I rarely crave the processed fare my friends gorge on and would much rather eat some baby carrots or shredded coconut.

My goal is to show you that healthy food can be DELICIOUS. All of my recipes are gluten-free and grain-free, and most are also dairy-free. When I use sweetener, I opt for raw honey, maple syrup, fruit, or coconut sugar, and use very small quantities. Loaded with fresh, tasty ingredients, these dishes will both satisfy you and make you feel great.”

Abby realized the food around her was making her sick! Abby realized the profound affect processed foods were having on her body. I am so proud that she had the determination and motivation to make these positive changes at such a young age! It is my hope that more children will begin to advocate for and make these changes.

 

Here is what Abby wrote up for me today:

Being a teen in a world of processed food is by no means easy.

My school alone is a bombardment of unhealthy temptation. The cafeteria has five or six different kinds of chips, giant chocolate-chip cookies, several dessert options, endless juices and sodas, and tons of candy–that’s excluding the pizza, macaroni and cheese, and Chinese food they typically serve, too. We also have a culinary room, where at any point in the day, you can pick up a sugary baked good straight from the oven.

So, what’s a gluten-free, processed food-free girl to do? Make her own delicious snacks, of course!

Like almost every kid and teen out there, I love pizza…but not the icky feeling I get afterwards. I wanted to create a snack with the same awesome taste, but with a good balance of protein and fat to make it more nutritious. Thus, the pizza meatball munchie was born.

Before you get started, preheat the oven to 375 degrees and line a large baking sheet with tinfoil. Set aside.

To get the true pizza flavor, you’ll need to create a spice mixture. In a small bowl, whisk together 1 tablespoon of dried oregano, 1 tablespoon of dried basil, 1 teaspoon of dried parsley, 1 teaspoon of onion powder, 1/2 teaspoon of garlic powder, and 1/2 teaspoon of red pepper flakes. Feel free to adjust the seasonings to your taste.

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Add the seasoning to 1 pound of ground beef along with 1 large egg, beaten, and 2 heaping tablespoons of tomato paste. Sprinkle with a good pinch of salt and mix together with your hands.

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Roll the ground meat into balls and place on the pre-lined sheet. For snack-sized bites, you should get anywhere between 15 and 20 meatballs.

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Bake until golden-brown and just cooked through, about 15 minutes. Store in a large container in the fridge for easy snacking!

 

 

This next recipe, Tropical Applesauce, is stupidly simple, but the taste is incredible. It’s wonderfully sweet, but has no added sugar, making it the perfect after-dinner treat for any weeknight.

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In the bowl of a food processor or blender, combine 4 cored and chopped Golden Delicious apples, 1 14-ounce can of crushed pineapple, and 10 ounces of frozen mango chunks. For chunky sauce, go for about a minute; for smoother sauce, two minutes should suffice.

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Transfer the fruit puree to the slow cooker, and add 6-7 small pieces of galangal, a root similar to ginger, and 5-6 kaffir lime leaves throughout.

I found both of these spices in small containers at Whole Foods, but you can also buy them at Penzeys Spices or an Asian market. Can’t find either? Substitute in about 1 inch of grated ginger and the juice of 2 limes.

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Cover tightly with a lid and cook on high for 1 hour, then low for 1 hour. Remove the galangal and lime leaves, and serve warm or chilled.

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Abby’s Links:

Don’t Be Afraid Of Saturated Fats!

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This is a follow -up on my post: Side Effects From Eating a Low-Fat Diet

I discussed some side effects you may experience when you cut good fats out of your diet. However, I want to be more specific about the types of fats that are needed for your body, and the types you should avoid. Not all fats support your body’s ability to function, and some of these highly processed and manufactured fats can damage your body. There has been so much wrong information out there over the past generation, spread through the media and health-care professionals. It can be difficult to understand and navigate.

There are different types of fats depending on the number of hydrogen bonds in the fat molecule. The more hydrogen bonds, the more saturated and stable the fat is. Stable means that the fat does not oxidize easily releasing free radicals. Saturated fats are solid at room temperature and do not go rancid-or break down when exposed to elements of light, oxygen and heat as polyunsaturated fats do.

My goal here is to help you navigate the world of fats, and gain a better understanding of which fats to consume, and which to avoid. Here are the different words you might hear associated with fats, and what these words mean:

 Saturated Fats:

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  • Saturated fats are solid at room temperature.
  • Contrary to what you’ve probably heard, these are the most beneficial fats for our body. These fats are fully saturated with hydrogen bonds (NOT to be confused with hydrogenated oils).
  • These fats are stable, and do not easily oxidize (break down) or go rancid.
  • Saturated fats include fats such as lard, tallow, butter, suet, ghee, coconut oil, palm oil.
  • Saturated fats are beneficial to the body-these fats insulate myelin in the brain (memory, mood stability, alertness), strengthen the immune system and help regulate hormones.

 Monounsaturated Fats (aka MUFA’s):

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  • Monounsaturated fats have one double bond in the fatty acid chain.
  • Monounsaturated fats have a lower melting point than saturated fats, but a higher melting point than polyunsaturated fats.
  • Monounsaturated fats can go rancid/breakdown/oxidize easier than saturated fats.
  • If consumed in an oxidative state, these oils can cause inflammation in the body. Therefore you would only want to use these oils for low to no heat and cold uses, and make sure you purchase cold-pressed oils.
  • You would want to store them in a dark place.
  • Monounsaturated fats include olive oil and avocado oil.
  • Monounsaturated fats also make up part of the fats in meats (another reason not to overcook or burn meats), and are found in some nuts like macadamia nuts.

 Polyunsaturated Fats (aka PUFA’s):

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  • Poly (many) of the bonds are unsaturated with hydrogen.
  • Polyunsaturated oils are liquid at room temperature and in the refrigerator.
  • Polyunsaturated oils include: vegetable oils and industrial seed oils, such canola, corn, soy, sunflower, cottonseed, and safflower.
  • Polyunsaturated oils are highly processed.
  • These polyunsaturated seed oils are very high in omega 6 fatty acids and low in omega 3’s.
  • Heat, light, and oxygen break these oils down and render them chemically unstable. The volatile chemical structure (from the process of being heat extracted releasing free-radicals) can wreak havoc on the body at a cellular level, and cause chronic inflammation…the root of modern diseases.
  • These oils are not stable.
  • Contrary to what you might have heard, these oils should be avoided! It is not easy to avoid them when you go out to eat, but don’t buy them! These oils are also found in packaged processed foods like potato chips-including those you buy at the “health food” store.

For more info on polyunsaturated fats (PUFA’s):

http://raypeat.com/articles/nutrition/oils-in-context.shtml#.UVKouM1x34A.facebook

http://chriskresser.com/how-too-much-omega-6-and-not-enough-omega-3-is-making-us-sick

http://thankyourbody.com/vegetable-oils/

http://www.marksdailyapple.com/polyunsaturated-fat/#axzz2OMW3AqGx

Hydrogenated Oils:

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  • Hydrogenated oils are chemically altered fats-these oils are high heat treated and processed to change them from a liquid state to a solid state.
  • Hydrogen is added to these oils to make them solid.
  • Examples include margarine, benecol, earth balance, “better than butter” and Crisco.
  • These chemically altered oils should be avoided.

THIS explains how hydrogenated oils are created and how they affect the body.

“Let’s take hydrogenated oils and see what this substance really is and why it’s so incredibly bad for you. Hydrogenated oils are oils that are often healthy in their natural state, but are quickly turned into poisons through the manufacturing and processing they undergo. They take these naturally healthy oils such as palm, kernel, soybean, corn oil or coconut oil and they heat it anywhere from five hundred to one thousand degrees under several atmospheres of pressure.

They then inject a catalyst into the oil for several hours. The catalyst is typically a metal such a nickel, platinum or even aluminum. As this bubbles up into the oil the molecular structure changes and increases in density and rearranges it’s molecules so that instead of a liquid at room temperature we now have either semi-solid or solid oil. This creates either partially hydrogenated or fullyhydrogenated oils.

The molecules in this new product are now closer to cellulose or plastic than to oil. In fact hydrogenated oil is only one molecule away from being plastic. When you eat anything containing this material, just as the oil is now thicker and more viscous (dense), so too does your blood become thicker and more viscous right along with it. The heart now has to work so much harder to pump blood throughout the system. This is one of the major ways that consuming hydrogenated oils contributes to high blood pressure.”

Read More: http://www.naturalnews.com/024694_oil_food_oils.html#ixzz2OPsEaGwE

Cholesterol:

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  • All of the cells in your body need cholesterol.
  • Cholesterol metabolizes all hormones and fat soluable vitamins.
  • Your body manufactures most of it’s own cholesterol and a little bit comes from food.
  • Cholesterol forms and maintains cell wall structures.
  • Cholesterol is used by the nerve cells for insulation.
  • The liver uses cholesterol to produce bile.
  • Cholesterol is also needed for your body to make Vitamin D.
  • Much of what you may think about cholesterol is wrong.
  • Cholesterol is found in the arteries, but it is mistaken as the culprit in heart disease. Cholesterol travels to arteries in order to heal the body–as a  “patch” to the lesions caused by underlying inflammation. This underlying inflammation is from a diet high in inflammatory foods likes sugars, processed grains, and oxidized oils.

For more information on the truth about cholesterol:

http://www.westonaprice.org/cardiovascular-disease/myths-a-truths-about-cholesterol

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2011/10/22/debunking-the-science-behind-lowering-cholesterol-levels.aspx

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2010/08/10/making-sense-of-your-cholesterol-numbers.aspx

Over the past generation we have heard plenty about “good” fats and “bad” fats. Saturated fats were (and often still are based on faulty information) placed in the “bad” fat category because it was thought to be associated with atherosclerosis (thickening of the arteries due to heart disease). This saturated fat theory is all based on an epidemiology study (a “study” that basically asks people to fill out a survey), and many factors were not taken into consideration, including the inflammatory foods present in the diet.

According to Mary Enig, PhD and Sally Fallon (The Truth About Saturated Fats Parts 1-3)

“These “experts” assure us that the lipid hypothesis is backed by incontrovertible scientific proof. Most people would be surprised to learn that there is, in fact, very little evidence to support the contention that a diet low in cholesterol and saturated fat actually reduces death from heart disease or in any way increases one’s life span. Consider the following:

Before 1920 coronary heart disease was rare in America; so rare that when a young internist named Paul Dudley White introduced the German electrocardiograph to his colleagues at Harvard University, they advised him to concentrate on a more profitable branch of medicine.

The new machine revealed the presence of arterial blockages, thus permitting early diagnosis of coronary heart disease. But in those days clogged arteries were a medical rarity, and White had to search for patients who could benefit from his new technology. During the next forty years, however, the incidence of coronary heart disease rose dramatically, so much so that by the mid fifties heart disease was the leading cause of death among Americans.

Today heart disease causes at least 40% of all US deaths. If, as we have been told, heart disease results from the consumption of saturated fats, one would expect to find a corresponding increase in animal fat in the American diet. Actually, the reverse is true. During the sixty-year period from 1910 to 1970, the proportion of traditional animal fat in the American diet declined from 83% to 62%, and butter consumption plummeted from eighteen pounds per person per year to four.

During the past eighty years, dietary cholesterol intake has increased only 1%. During the same period the percentage of dietary vegetable oils in the form of margarine, shortening and refined oils increased about 400% while the consumption of sugar and processed foods increased about 60%.”

Read more: http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2002/08/17/saturated-fat1.aspx

More on the truth about saturated fats: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/saturated-fat-healthy/#axzz2OMW3AqGx

 In a nutshell:

  • Avoid vegetable oils such as corn, soy, and canola oil-these oils are also found in packaged pretzels and chips.
  • Avoid hydrogenated oils like margarine and Crisco-these oils are also found in many processed snacks.

  • Use olive oil cold or for low heat cooking.

  • Cook with stable saturated fats such as butter (from grass-fed cows is best), coconut oil, tallow, and lard-don’t be afraid of saturated fats!

 

* Please note: This is a personal blog. I am not a Doctor or a Dietician. All data and information provided on this site is for informational/educational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitution for professional medical advice.